Hue Rehab Hospital

I'm here, I'm tired and I've had a pretty crazy, yet amazing week. Basically this week has involved work! Good work, but tiring work. Life has been nothing more than this project for the past six days. After arriving at my hotel Saturday night, heading straight to bed, and then meeting with most of the team over breakfast Sunday morning, that's when it all began.

The No Ordinary Journey Project is set up and ran by our president Laverne, who is a mother of a 20 year old girl with cerebral palsy. Laverne has never let her daughters cerebral palsy be a barrier from them travelling the world together and it was on a trip to Vietnam in 2008 that started up NOJF. Laverne realized that those with cerebral palsy in Vietnam don't live life like her daughter, and she has created a vision of revolutionizing the care of children with cp and increasing knowledge and awareness within the community and medical field. With several journeys back to Vietnam leading to a conference in 2015, the foundation is taking another great leap. A three week project working with families and educating therapists in a rehabilitation hospital. I was invited to join her team back in October last year, and not really understanding much of what was involved apart from I would be joining a multidisciplinary team with a conductor from Hungary, an occupational therapist , physiotherapist and herself from Calgary. We are all dedicating our time to make this happen, which given the time frame is pretty hard for some of us to do. Its great to be part of such a dedicated and knowledgeable team, so different to my years volunteering before I graduated. We know how to laugh, prepare and read all situations clearly. The project nearly didn't go ahead and only two weeks before I found out the project had been moved from Nha Trang to Hue (two completely different parts of the country) This meaning there are several differences in what was originally planned, including younger children, and different therapists, but luckily the project was saved with Lavernes contacts and some great people on the ground. I know she had high hopes for Nha Trang and I'm not fully sure why they, at the last minute pulled out, but Hue have us and we are doing our thing with pride. Our project is sponsored by Rotary International, who have worked with NOJF for their recent visits to Vietnam.

So Monday, the day following Tet, (which seems so long ago) we were getting prepared to maybe have hardly any children come in (due to time management and expectation being slightly different to what we may know). We had a arranged a core hub of 10 students, with the aim of showing what development can be made in three weeks with the right intervention. But we got 14. This number is pretty unheard of for groups in my field, but as we tried to wean down to 10, the decision was too hard, so we confirmed we would work with all 14. This meaning, starting Tuesday we had 14 children, 14 caregivers, 4 therapists, 5 translators and 8 Vietnamese therapists all in one room. Those poor children must have the sense they are in a goldfish bowl, but my heart melts everyday, with their smiles. We all want the same thing for them. Some cry consistently which is nothing new to us, but they find time to smile and have the cutest little faces. I still struggle to pronounce their names, with my intonation being very off, but luckily, the families laugh along with me. I take it in turns each day to lead a series of exercises for EVERYONE to follow. The four of us have translators (all keen and young medical or foreign language students) who communicate with the families, and I try my hardest to intonate my voice, use sign language or just sing to keep them motivated and on task. I don't hold back with handling the children and do the actions on the parents themselves to help them understand the motions, and the positioning we are trying to achieve. We may not communicate clearly through speech but we find a why to help transfer the skills they need to learn. The translators repeat the families thanks to us each day, and its positive to see that they do try and implement our suggestions. This is major, we are in a place, where they aren't pushed as we are pushing them, (the therapists here really just don't have the time), but we are bringing new tasks and theories to the table. Today I had several families asking for pictures with their child, just knowing that I'm there for them, and willing to spend some one-one time appears to be invaluable.

The more we get to know, they more we understand about the physiotherapy and speech therapy training here, they are short courses, done as top up to degrees. From what we understand the 'doctor' sets the goals for the child and the therapists work on what they have been told. We have very young children, diagnosed with cp at very very early ages. Many caused by 'high fevers' which remain to us unclear, but either way we are here to to focus on the child now and where they can be. We are being asked every question under the sun, and I wonder who they usually go to to get the answers. We are here for the child, but I've tried to let the parents know they are special too, asking how they are, with a simple smile, or arm around the shoulder. Many are grandparents and I'm inspired with how they try to replicate the things I do knowing how tiring what I do is.They remain in awe at my singing, as this is quite clearly something not done here, and I'm never usually complented so much on this, so I'll enjoy it while I can. Singing and music is a universal language and I am making these children work very hard, so of course if I can remembered for something else I'll take it.

The afternoons are training sessions for the staff, and its nice to see the discussion happening, although they are still baffled why I feel I need to sing! Funny what I would believe is a no brainer doesn't translate so well to another culture.

An Astronauts Guide to Life

So random title for a blog post for a girl who's travelling abroad, but it just felt right. So let me explain. I love reading but never do it enough, and really the only I time I ever get do it, and make progress through a book, not taking over 5 months to finish, is when I'm away or bound to public transport for a daily commute (which I no-longer do). I've started off my trip with Chris Hadfields 'An Astronuats Guide to Life' and I haven't been able to put it down, When I read I do like novels, but tend to buy more factual based books, as I pretend to swot up. This book was already in our house after a trip to Cuba last year. Matt can finish a book in days, and often talked how much he enjoyed this book, so I definitely wanted to read it. To start let me say what an inspirational man. But why have I felt the need for this long winded introduction to An Astronauts Guide to Life.

I'm on the fifth day of my travels and I've hardly had a conversation with anyone here. Things are broken in translation and it's often the pleasantry's or the sales pitch. I stayed in HoChiMinh City 6 hours (to sleep), before flying to PhuQouc. Knowing little about PhuQouc I was keen for one thing. Snorkeling! It had already been a pretty stressful experience getting there as I struggled to get travel arrangements together as I had no idea it was Tet (the Lunar New Year), which has pretty much shut the country down and doubled the price of everything. That said, I am over the moon with my decision to visit PhuQouc. I am so glad my first day in Vietnam wasn't the hustle and bustle of HCMC. I think it would have really delayed my body clock further, but being in a place I could sit, rest and not feel bad at simply taking in the beautiful sunset. One thing I certainly did notice there was I am a solo traveler. I've traveled alone before, but the more I think about it, it's usually places like big city's where you're walking about so much no one even notices, or you grab fast food or take a packed lunch and no attention is drawn to you, as you can tuck yourself away or find a mutually equal area where people are doing to same thing. Versus this time I was in a place people are either with friends or in couples/families, that when you sit at a table to order food, you certainly get the sympathy look. That my romantic walks along the beach at sunset are replaced with my iPod. The wonder of why is she alone? The discussion about the engagement ring on my finger, maybe I'm just being full of myself, because maybe no one actually noticed, but I know in the past I've done similar assumptions to others. This is the first time I haven't ever really cared. And this revelation came when I was sat at the dinner table eating in a restaurant and was reading Chris's book. He talks of missing his family, which I certainly do, but he says he never feels lonely. That loneliness is a state of mind, and those with many people around, can still get depressed with loneliness. And that's it, I realized there and then, missing someone is different from being lonely. Wishing they were here, is still different to feeling lonely.

I guess maybe for a long time, I was feeling like I should be lonely, as punishment for leaving Matt in Canada, (he's probably reading this and nodding his head) but I guess I am only alone for a few days, I know my reasons why I'm here, and really that's what matters. It's been great having detachment from so many things.  I've currently been going through lots of changes lately and when living life regularly at home, working extremely long days 6 days a week, emotions run high and things are never clear, I feel like at times I live in a blur, confused. Coming to volunteer abroad feels right and I am living in the present. I am conscious of the money I spend, but remind myself to do what feels right, I've worked very hard to get here and you only live once. It's exhilarating to do things at my pace, for my satisfaction and my satisfaction only. There is no objective. It's not about pleasing people, its not about ensuring I'm always helping at least one person, because I forget about helping myself first. I don't feel I can ever get the balance right. Another quote from Chris's book was 'If you start thinking that only your biggest and shiniest moments count, you're setting yourself up to feel like a failure most of the time. Personally, I'd rather feel good all the time, so to me everything counts even the small moments, the medium ones, the successes that make the papers and also the ones that no one knows about but me. The challenge is avoiding being derailed by the big shiny moments that turn other people's heads. You have to figure out for yourself how to enjoy and celebrate them, then move on'. With this at the forefront of my mind, I reminded myself it's not about how much you actually do (I'm not competing with anyone else's travel style), how much I capture to tell people back home, but to just embrace the moment and enjoy the pace I take it.

In PhuQuoc I wanted to get out to snorkel and to hike in the National park, but I had three days. The first day I panned to lay on the beach, swim, eat, read, walk along the shore and catch up on some rest from the long journey. Most people recommend hiring a motorbike and driving up to the North area to visit the park and beaches up there, but I will not be riding any motorcycle alone. I've heard of many people getting injured this way, and with a three week work project ahead of me, I didn't want to risk anything. So was happy to book onto some tours. They were reasonable and lunch was included so, win win. Day two was planned for snorkeling in the south, and day three was kayaking and hiking in the north. I was the only solo traveler on the snorkeling tour, and it was great, I was the longest in the water snorkeling and wasn't restricted to where I could swim. I was very disappointed with the amount of rubbish along the shore by the islands, and pretty disgusted that the tour people where just emptying cans, bottles and left over food into the ocean off the back of the boat. We are trying to do so much for our planet in the western world, but quite clearly not here, but then I reminded myself, I am here to educate on cerebral palsy, to DOCTORS, so what can I expect on the clean planet issue to just about everybody here. We visited San Bao beach, famous for its beautiful white sand, but it was so busy (for Tet), I had to find a quiet patch, near  more rubbish. Without a doubt with 100,000 less people it would of been pretty tranquil, and I was reminded of the many times in Mauritius, we had beaches to ourselves, so was reminded that I have had some very awesome times in my life.

Day three the tour was cancelled as not enough people signed up, so I requested I go snorkeling in the north. I'm glad I did as it was much better than the south. The tour was less busy, the pace was slower and the coral was prettier (although lots dead, because of people stepping all over it) Many local people can't swim very well, so they had life jackets and would put their feet down whenever possible, so I'm sure killing coral was the least of their priorities. Maybe I should work on educating Vietnam one bit at a time ;-) Then I was one route back to Ho Chi Minh City. I found out my flight was delayed until 12.40, meaning I wouldn't get into HCMC until 1.30am, so I thought I would pass some time with some beers in a bar.

Again another short sleep in HCMC and I was picked up for a tour of the Mekong Delta. I had decided to book a tour, to save hassle and basically just enjoy the vacation I was having, so avoiding stress at any costs. I don't feel bad for doing it, even after reading all the reviews on forums online that, tours cheat, you don't see anything or experience anything blah blah blah. I came across the Mekong Lodge. This involved HCMC pick up, lunch, dinner and breakfast, (all out of this world), overnight stay in a lovely room, a bicycle tour on Tanphong Island, cooking class, swimming pool, tour of market and local food factory (showing how to make many things from coconut and rice). It was a very peaceful experience again all at a great pace, and pretty interesting. So many fruits in the orchards, a guide to educate us on local lifestyle, and being out on the water. I highly recommend them. I slept perfectly, even though it was noisier than sleeping at the music festivals I have been to in the past because of all the very load karaoke blasting from peoples homes. I just focused on the sound of the water nearby, the crickets, and felt happy that everyone was enjoying the last few days of their special holiday.

I'm finishing up writing this at the airport as I wait for my flight to Hue where officially work will start tomorrow. It feels like I've been here longer than five days, so all of a sudden three weeks is feeling like a very long time. I'm trying not to focus on it, as really I have no idea what to expect. I feel like I should quote again from 'An Astronauts Guide to Life' but there are so many good things he says, but one thing he does mention several times, is you can spend hours preparing what to expect, but sometimes you may not know. Be as prepared as you can be, and know that's good enough.

The reason I've returned

I have one particular friend you can thank about we rekindling with my blog. I guess everyone starts writing one with all good intentions to write regularly, however are people who write blogs, often the most busiest people of them all? I can’t believe its been over a year, and trust me I had a new years resolution back then to blog more! Believe it or not, I hate being centre of attention, don’t get me wrong I like recognition, but I’ve spent my life doubting myself and always wanting to be better, never really believing compliments are true, and I often think who really cares firstly about my thoughts and in general I wonder what’s my point it writing them down. I am sitting on a plane embarking on a very long journey to Vietnam, and as I spent a very late evening packing my bag just two days ago, I came across a journal, filled with only a few pages I once started to write. It was a present from my wonderful partner, although I had never written in a journal before, many people have said I may one day regret that. I get told I’ve had an interesting life, but really I don’t even believe it. I’ve seen some really painfully sad,  but also amazingly, breathtaking things, and I’ve had some epic adventures with friends, my love and solo, but I’ve been keen to embrace every part of it. I travelled with a friend once who hid her face in her journal documenting her feelings and I’ve spent many moments alone sitting next to someone behind a lens, and yes there is always something solid to show, but I do think I’ll hold on to those feelings I’ve felt longer than people will believe. But blogging lets me share what’s going on with people from different parts of the world, and saves me boring you with it when we do get to chat when I get home!

Travel is a funny thing, I love it and hate it at the same time, I used to think people who travel are the most educated in the world, that they are a select few amongst the community, but now its nothing new. Now I sense arrogance around it all, people who back pack have issues if you choose an all inclusive, as it’s not ‘real’, it becomes a competition of how many places you have on the next person and who can get to the most rural place ever to get the most authentic experience. Trust me I’ve been there and done it. I unfortunately now hear people apologize that they haven’t travelled enough, and sometimes feel scared to speak up in front of those who have ‘travelled’ But who cares it’s your life and if it makes you happy then live it, you are not alone whatever you choose. My mum always told me all she ever wanted in life was her home and her family. All these years later now we’re all out the house, she is living a very wonderful life, and I have to say I am often quite jealous, and I can’t wait for retirement! My goal once upon a time was to see  every continent, I have a few more things on my bucket list I’d like to see, and I still can’t get over the urgency to do it all now. I think since I’ve lived in Canada, I’ve simply experienced so much in one country alone that is everything feeling numb? Don’t get me wrong, I will NEVER take it for granted, but really do I have to visit every continent to prove a point, am I really scared that I’m letting someone down, maybe I’m scared its myself, because once upon a time I thought I would get to those places. I’ve been living these goals as if tomorrow was the end of the world and I’d die with regret. Now I see what a lot of nonsense, I’ve come extremely far and I’m doing it to the best of my ability. I have many years left and there is time to spread it all out. I’ve just had a fantastic Christmas with my dad and step-mum and it was exciting for me to witness Carole shed a tear at this first time experience and the beauty she was seeing for the first time. They embraced the cold like troopers, and its exciting to be part of the memories they made and stories they can share with people when they get home.

When I lived in Mauritius I had an amazing life, scuba diving, kite surfing and a whole lot more, but most of all I worked with the most wonderful people. When we were there, status was very apparent, and I will never take that for granted, the poorest of people would treat you so well and be the most generous to you, as if an honour to know you, yet you just wanted to be treated normal. However I fully understand we weren’t normal. I was 23 living on a tropical island. People would invite us to random weddings, people who had nothing in common with us would invite us out for dinner, was it status to be seen with us, or was it pure genuine? It was definitely both, depending on the person. The respect that’s been given to me on my travels over the years has been extraordinary whereas now  I live in a culture, where I feel sad as I feel our kids don’t even respect their elders enough. What I feel is a shame now, is that there are people out there who need these travelling adventures by spend thousands to appreciate what we have in our Western world, but are we literally throwing it in the face of those we flaunt ourselves in front of. I’ve caught myself saying it before, I don’t have the money for that, I’m not rich enough for that, yet here I am in this beautiful country, yet some of those people haven’t even left the mountain on where they live. Essentially I am their income, I buy, they eat. Tourism is what it is, if you’re doing from a backpack or a suitcase.

I think travelling has just got hard for me as I get older as I am definitely getting softer. I watch too many documentaries on Netflix, or a read factual books more than novels.  I’ve been to Vietnam before and Uganda with a ‘volunteer’ project and I always knew I got more out of it than what was giving. How could I at 19 and 21 make a significant impact with the volunteer systems in place. I did actually take on extra projects, to actually make more significant impact on smaller communities, I wasn’t happy with simply feeding orphan babies. I’m not Bono or lucky enough to have the money behind me to build a village but I asked to help more. With volunteering I felt I saw more rural things, and learnt more about the culture. Travelling gets harder the more I am away from England, its not longer home I’m afraid. My life is here, my career, my fiance and my two dogs. So leaving them is hard, because I understand the significant impact it has on those I leave, they don;t have family around to break up the tie I am gone. It really is becoming painful to do it, but again why do I, where did this need come from?

I never planned to visit Vietnam again, but I was approached by the director of No Ordinary Journey Foundation to assist with her project. This was a particularly intriguing offer, firstly because I was being recognized for my work as a conductor, which is often hard as we are so often unrecognized undervalued and sadly not respected by some professionals. She said with my experiences already working in third world countries, that she was confident I would be able to advocate as needed. It means a whole three weeks away from home, but in total 4 weeks as I left earlier to try and acclimatize to the time difference, so I don’t start and finish exhausted. To date this has been the hardest journey I’ve had to make, just because of the guilt that is put upon me. Taking time off was hard, telling people I was going alone was hard, and the reminders of how long I am going away for is even harder. Yet I don’t think I reminded anyone enough that really for three weeks I’ll be working 10 hour days, I would have to overcome some hard frustrations as I’m sure what we say is questioned and not believed. For a while I’ve been doubting my professional capacity, getting burnt out with stress of just not being that good at what I do. I need to be here for my professional learning, not for a month in the sun. To work with a team of players, an interdisciplinary team of players, all different but united by this very cause. I need to prove to myself that I have the knowledge to help people learn. My director told me, we are essentially training the trainer. No that sounds official, in my mere 30 years of life, I’m actually having people listen to me and maybe if I’m lucky implement my beliefs and (dare I say) knowledge. That’s why I’ve had to do this. That’s why I’m taking 3 flights to Vietnam, and that’s why I had to go through that pain, it’s a pretty exceptional opportunity, not only working first hand with the children, but planting roots that could help more after I leave. I hope this will be worth it!